How Motherhood Changes Relationships

Becoming a mother changes the way you see yourself. You’re not the same person you were before, and that’s okay.

One of the most beautiful shifts is how the superficial things that used to matter suddenly don’t anymore. The deeper, meaningful aspects of life take centre stage. You might find yourself valuing time, purpose, and love over appearances or petty worries.

At the same time, it’s normal to miss the freedom of your old self. I often longed for the version of me who could act on a whim and didn’t carry the weight of constant responsibility. Yet, this new version of myself also felt empowered, caring less about what others thought and more about what truly mattered.

For instance, I used to get caught up in societal expectations until my daughter pulled me back to reality with something as simple as a hug or a moment of pure joy. Those little reminders help me focus on what truly matters. 

Advice: Be kind to yourself as you grieve your old self while embracing the new. Journaling can help you process these feelings, and focusing on what you’ve gained, like deeper purpose, can bring clarity. It’s okay to feel conflicted; growth is never linear.

Motherhood doesn’t just change you, it changes your partnership.

In many heterosexual relationships, one parent often becomes the “default,” creating an imbalance that breeds resentment and strains even strong connections. Exhaustion and unequal responsibilities can leave partners feeling more like “co-parents” than lovers. I’ve felt this myself, wondering if I’m seen as just “mum” instead of the woman my partner fell in love with. This shift can lead to less intimacy, leaving many of us feeling invisible after giving so much. 

A couple I know rekindled their connection by dedicating one night a week to themselves, no baby talk, just time to reconnect. It was a small but meaningful step to rebuild their bond. But let’s be honest, this takes effort. Both partners need to want the change and be willing to invest in it for it to work. 

Advice: Communicate openly about your needs and frustrations without blame. Sharing even small responsibilities can ease the burden and restore mutual respect. Carve out intentional time together, whether it’s a date night or a quiet moment after bedtime, it can make all the difference. 

Motherhood often deepens your connection with family, especially your parents.

For many, seeing their parents as grandparents is both healing and surprising. Parents who may have been impatient or strict while raising you can become doting, gentle, and almost unrecognizable in their new role.

I don’t remember my mum ever showing me affection or telling me she loved me growing up. She was strict, distant, and always seemed tired and frustrated. But now, with my daughter, she’s so affectionate, loving, patient and calm, it’s like she’s become a completely different person. 

On the other hand, some family members might pull away or show little interest in your new life. This can sting, especially if you expected more involvement or support. But it’s also a moment of clarity, an opportunity to revaluate those relationships.

Advice: Cherish the relationships that strengthen and be open to forgiveness where it feels right. For those who disappoint, set boundaries to protect your energy and focus on those who truly show up.

Friendships are often the most visibly affected by motherhood.

You might notice some friends fade away, while others surprise you with their love and support. The friendships that endure are often the ones that adapt to the changes in your life, becoming deeper and more meaningful.

I’ll always treasure that one single friend who checked on me daily and constantly offered help, even though she knew I was a stubborn, independent woman determined to do things my way.

At the same time, some friendships may fizzle out, not because of ill intent, but because your lives no longer align. It’s painful but necessary to make space for people who truly fit the new version of you.

Advice: Focus on nurturing the friendships that adapt and show support. Don’t take it personally if others drift away, it’s a reflection of their journey, not yours. If you feel lonely, consider joining mum groups or online communities to connect with people who understand this phase of life.

Motherhood also changes your relationship with the world around you. Society places immense pressure on mothers to “have it all”, the perfect home, the perfect career, and the perfect parenting style.

At the same time, society is so messed up. Governments encourage women to have children but expect us to return to work almost immediately, offering minimal support apart from free childcare, if we go back to work. This means leaving our babies with total strangers and calling it “support.” It’s hypocrisy at its finest, ignoring the pain, suffering, and sacrifices a woman endures.

You may find yourself rebelling against these unrealistic expectations, realizing it’s impossible to meet everyone’s standards. Redefining success becomes a necessary and liberating process.

A mum I know quit her corporate job to start a small business so she could spend more time with her kids. She said, “I used to measure success by my salary; now, I measure it by how present I can be for my children.” I admire her deeply and want to be like her. I’m still trying to learn this myself, as I often measure my worth by my work. But I’m working on it, one small step at a time.

Advice: Let go of societal expectations and define success on your own terms. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, what matters is what works for you and your family. Society may be broken, but your happiness and values don’t have to be.