Signed in as:
filler@godaddy.com
When Two Become Three. Navigating the Unfiltered Realities
Choosing the Right Partner Matters (Before and After Kids)
Having a child doesn’t just "test" a relationship, it exposes every single crack. While it’s too late to rewind time, these are conversations every couple should have before deciding to have a child, or to repair issues after baby arrives.
Common Relationship Hiccups and How to Tackle Them
The Communication Breakdown
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
The Communication Breakdown
Scenario: Conversations have dwindled to baby talk and logistical discussions.
Why It Happens: The demands of parenting can side line meaningful adult communication.
✔ Tip: Daily Check-Ins: Dedicate a few minutes each day to discuss non-baby-related topics.
✔ Tip: Active Listening: Practice attentive listening, validating each other's feeli
Scenario: Conversations have dwindled to baby talk and logistical discussions.
Why It Happens: The demands of parenting can side line meaningful adult communication.
✔ Tip: Daily Check-Ins: Dedicate a few minutes each day to discuss non-baby-related topics.
✔ Tip: Active Listening: Practice attentive listening, validating each other's feelings and experiences.
✔ Tip: Use "I" Statements: Express feelings using "I" to prevent defensiveness and promote open dialogue.
✔ Tip: Limit Distractions: Allocate tech-free time to engage in uninterrupted conversations.
✔ Tip: Seek Communication Workshops: Attend sessions designed to enhance couple communication skills.
The Social Isolation
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
The Communication Breakdown
Scenario: Between feedings and naps, socializing feels like a distant memory.
Why It Happens: New parenthood can be all-consuming, leaving little time for external relationships.
✔ Tip: Schedule Social Time: Plan regular interactions with friends and family, even if brief.
✔ Tip: Join Parent Groups: Connect with other new parents to share
Scenario: Between feedings and naps, socializing feels like a distant memory.
Why It Happens: New parenthood can be all-consuming, leaving little time for external relationships.
✔ Tip: Schedule Social Time: Plan regular interactions with friends and family, even if brief.
✔ Tip: Join Parent Groups: Connect with other new parents to share experiences and combat isolation.
✔ Tip: Leverage Technology: Use video calls to maintain connections when in-person meetings aren't feasible.
✔ Tip: Combine Activities: Invite friends over during baby’s naptime to multitask socializing and parenting.
✔ Tip: Prioritize Couple Time: Ensure that social activities also include moments for just the two of you to reconnect.
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
Scenario: Your partner hovers, questioning every diaper change and feeding choice.
Why It Happens: Their protective instincts are on overdrive, fuelled by a desire to keep both you and the baby safe.
✔ Tip: Open Communication: Share your feelings about autonomy and trust. Reassure them of your competence and express appreciation for their
Scenario: Your partner hovers, questioning every diaper change and feeding choice.
Why It Happens: Their protective instincts are on overdrive, fuelled by a desire to keep both you and the baby safe.
✔ Tip: Open Communication: Share your feelings about autonomy and trust. Reassure them of your competence and express appreciation for their concern.
✔ Tip: Set Boundaries: Clearly define roles and responsibilities to prevent micromanagement.
✔ Tip: Educate Together: Attend pediatric appointments as a team to receive the same information, reducing unnecessary worries.
✔ Tip: Acknowledge Efforts: Recognize and appreciate each other's contributions to build mutual respect.
✔ Tip: Seek Professional Guidance: If overprotectiveness persists, consider couples therapy to address underlying anxieties.
The Intimacy Drought
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
The Overprotective Partner vs. The Independent Mum
Scenario: One partner is ready to rekindle the romance, while the other craves nothing but sleep.
Why It Happens: Hormonal changes, physical recovery, and sheer exhaustion can lead to mismatched libidos.
✔ Tip: Prioritize Rest: Ensure both partners are getting adequate sleep, as fatigue significantly impacts libido.
✔ Tip: Non-Sexual Affect
Scenario: One partner is ready to rekindle the romance, while the other craves nothing but sleep.
Why It Happens: Hormonal changes, physical recovery, and sheer exhaustion can lead to mismatched libidos.
✔ Tip: Prioritize Rest: Ensure both partners are getting adequate sleep, as fatigue significantly impacts libido.
✔ Tip: Non-Sexual Affection: Engage in physical touch without the expectation of sex to maintain closeness.
✔ Tip: Schedule Intimacy: Plan intimate moments, understanding that spontaneity might be challenging during this phase.
✔ Tip: Open Dialogue: Discuss desires and concerns openly to foster understanding and patience.
✔ Tip: Consult Professionals: If intimacy issues persist, seek advice from a sex therapist or counsellor.
The Resentment Build-Up
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
Scenario: You're tallying diaper changes and night feeds, feeling like you're shouldering more of the load.
Why It Happens: Traditional roles and expectations can lead to an imbalance in responsibilities.
✔ Tip: Fair Division of Labour: Create a list of tasks and divide them based on each partner's strengths and availability.
✔ Tip: Regular
Scenario: You're tallying diaper changes and night feeds, feeling like you're shouldering more of the load.
Why It Happens: Traditional roles and expectations can lead to an imbalance in responsibilities.
✔ Tip: Fair Division of Labour: Create a list of tasks and divide them based on each partner's strengths and availability.
✔ Tip: Regular Check-Ins: Set aside time weekly to discuss feelings and redistribute tasks as needed.
✔ Tip: Express Appreciation: Regularly acknowledge each other's efforts to foster a supportive environment.
✔ Tip: Avoid Scorekeeping: Focus on teamwork rather than keeping track of individual contributions.
✔ Tip: Professional Mediation: If resentment escalates, consider couples counselling to navigate conflicts constructively.
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
Mental Load and Invisible Labour
Scenario: You manage ALL the schedules, doctor appointments, baby milestones, and remembering when nappies are running low, your partner just “goes with the flow.”
Why It Happens: Women are socialized to carry the emotional and mental weight of family life.
✔ Tip: Make the mental load visible. Write down everything you handle daily and sh
Scenario: You manage ALL the schedules, doctor appointments, baby milestones, and remembering when nappies are running low, your partner just “goes with the flow.”
Why It Happens: Women are socialized to carry the emotional and mental weight of family life.
✔ Tip: Make the mental load visible. Write down everything you handle daily and show your partner.
✔ Tip: Delegate, don’t just ask for help. Say, “You’re in charge of booking all baby appointments,” instead of “Can you help?”
✔ Tip: Use shared apps or planners so both parents stay informed.
✔ Tip: If your partner forgets things, let them experience the consequences.
When Family Means Well... But Oversteps
Bringing a new baby into the family is a joyous occasion, but it can also introduce unexpected challenges, especially when well-meaning relatives, like your mother or mother-in-law, begin to overstep boundaries. Their desire to help, rooted in their own parenting experiences, can sometimes lead to unsolicited advice or actions that undermine your confidence as a new parent. Navigating this delicate dynamic requires understanding, clear communication, and the establishment of firm boundaries to protect your peace and well-being.
Understanding the Overstepping
Often, mothers or mothers-in-law perceive themselves as seasoned parents with valuable experience to share. Their intentions are typically to assist and support; however, they might not recognize that their involvement crosses boundaries, leading to tension and stress. This overstepping can manifest in various ways, such as unannounced visits, unsolicited advice on childcare practices, or undermining established routines.
Strategies to Maintain Harmony and Protect Your Well-being:
Present a United Front
- Collaborate with Your Partner: Discuss and align on parenting decisions privately. When both partners are on the same page, it reinforces the legitimacy of your choices and presents a cohesive stance to extended family members.
- Partner-Led Communication: It's often effective for your partner to address their own parents regarding sensitive issues. This approach can prevent feelings of defensiveness and promote receptivity. As suggested by the National Childbirth Trust (NCT), having your partner lead these discussions can help in conveying messages without causing long-term resentment
Utilize Inclusive Language
- "We" Statements: Phrasing decisions collectively, such as "We've decided to..." emphasizes unity and reduces the perception of individual bias.
- Consistent Messaging: Ensure both you and your partner communicate the same guidelines to all family members, minimizing confusion and potential manipulation.
Protect Your Peace and Well-being
- Prioritize Mental Health: Recognize that constant criticism can lead to stress and anxiety. It's essential to set boundaries that safeguard your emotional health.
- Avoid People-Pleasing: While maintaining family harmony is desirable, it shouldn't come at the expense of your well-being. It's okay to assertively communicate your needs and decisions.
Educate and Inform
- Share Resources: Provide articles, books, or paediatrician recommendations that support your parenting choices, helping family members understand the rationale behind your decisions.
- Invite Participation: Encourage them to attend paediatric appointments or parenting classes with you, fostering a collaborative learning experience.
Establish Physical and Emotional Boundaries
- Set Visiting Hours: Determine and communicate appropriate times for visits to prevent unexpected drop-ins that may disrupt your family's routine.
- Designate Private Spaces: Maintain areas in your home that are off-limits to visitors, preserving a sense of personal space.
- Limit Information Sharing: Be selective about the personal details you share, reducing opportunities for unsolicited advice or judgment.
Establish Physical and Emotional Boundaries
- Family Counselling: A neutral third party can facilitate discussions, helping to resolve ongoing conflicts and establish mutual respect.
- Individual Therapy: A therapist can provide strategies to manage stress and develop effective communication skills tailored to your situation.
Love Isn’t Lost, It’s Just Evolving
Here’s the truth: Your relationship will never be the same after kids. But that doesn’t mean it’s doomed, it means it’s transforming. Parenthood shifts everything, your priorities, your time, your energy levels, and yes, even your love life. The dynamic you once had as a couple will be tested in ways you never imagined, and at times, you might even feel like strangers. But if you commit to adapting, growing, and reconnecting, you can come out stronger on the other side.
You’re a Team - Act Like One
When resentment builds, it’s easy to see your partner as the enemy. But you’re in this together. The transition from couple to co-parents is messy, but it’s also an opportunity to grow stronger.
✔ Love isn’t lost, it just requires intention.
✔ Your relationship is worth fighting for, even when you’re exhausted.
✔ Parenthood is a season, not a sentence. You can thrive through it, together.
✨ If this hit home, subscribe to our website for more real-talk, tips, and strategies on surviving the parenting relationship rollercoaster. Because you’re not alone in this, none of us are. 💜
"Having children tests even the strongest of couples because it changes everything forever."
Coleen Nolan
Welcome to Your Unfiltered Mum ❤️
Join our mom community for support & surprises!
Subscribe now for updates & special offers.
Let's navigate motherhood together- because no mom should feel alone.
Come on board and join us today!